Standing in your power is to stand strong and confident in your strength, courage, truth, grace and worth. This is by no means an easy task when life has taught you and programmed you through others, that you have no power. Others, usually loved ones closest to you or significant role models in your life who you look up, may not have always been the loving caring inspiring nurturing guides and teachers that you had hoped them to be. In many cases they may have been the complete opposite teaching through fear, verbal, mental, emotional and/ or physically abuse. When you are born into this world you look to those maternal and paternal persons with unconditional love vulnerable, tender, and small with a subconscious knowing in your heart that yearns and seeks that unconditional love in return to help nurture and grow you from birth. However life can teach that in this world, that love is in fact based on a set of terms and conditions that can only be submitted by those whose care you are in founded by their own programming and learned behaviour throughout their ow life. Their own thoughts, emotions, actions, experiences in life are their tools that they have to be able to love and nurture you or not. Their own levels of self worth, confidence, emotional maturity, respect and beliefs are what are projected onto you as a child which is what you come to learn and live by.
For many years I could not understand why I have an innate fear and deep emotional reactionary response to the feeling of being ignored and not listened to: a deep and profound sense of feeling like I could be screaming in a room and still no one would hear me. This feeling would create in me a strong sense of fear, anxiety and anger stemming from a deep rooted pain that was to take many a year to identify. It is only in the last 3 years during a conversation of frustration, hurt and upset with my father where I feeling in despair of this emotion, that he was to impart an explanation that was to shed light through parting clouds and clearing skies of wisdom that would help heal a deep wound.
The story of my birth was to be an emotional one as it was recounted to me. My Mother had been adopted at 6-months of age in 1950’s England. She had deep seated emotional pain of abandonment when she was to learn of this at 17 years of age which bore a sincere lack of self worth being worthless, discarded and unwanted. This was to create a deep and powerful rage of anger and venom within her as her pain went buried and ignored throughout her life. Those closest to her would be a target of her anger resulting in her keeping many people at a distance as she attempted to maintain an outer persona of a kind caring helpful and intelligent woman. She was all of these, but behind closed doors she was also her pain and anger. Not long after she married my father, she began to discover her jeans not fitting well. She ignored this putting it down to over eating perhaps or not enough exercise. A few months passed and the swelling did not go away. She went to a doctor who put the fear of God into her by misdiagnosing a tumour growth. After a few weeks of anxiety and disbelief, she went for a second opinion with another doctor who promptly and correctly diagnosed her a being 6-months pregnant. This put her in a tail spin which is another story but; after my birth this projected her down a deep and dark path of post natal depression. It actually took her till I was at least 6-months old before she could hold me and care for me. I was informed that my father would leave for work 6:30am and return home 8pm with my having been left in the same place in the cot, unfed and unchanged.
Now I understand why I have a deep rooted fear of not being heard stemming from childhood memory of that time. In order to stand in your power, its important to be able to identify your fears and their roots so that now you may affirm and take care of your own needs lovingly supporting yourself with love and strength.
When you are working on your fears, your doubts, worries, sorrows, angers, you transmute their negative power that is held over you pushing you down and holding you back in your shadows. Other people whether they are loved ones, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, are also unable to hold any negative, vitriolic, abusive, fearful power over you either because you are aware and at one with your shadows. The vast caverns of your deep subconscious become illuminated ray by ray by your light of compassion towards your sorrows, your love towards your fears, your forgiveness towards your pains thereby building and forging stronger roots of strength, peace, courage, confidence, esteem and worth within your self that allow you to stand in your power with grace, wisdom and peace. No more will you need to feel like a proverbial rabbit caught in headlights or a cornered tiger in need of lashing out defensively and aggressively when you are able to smile at your shadows and have no fear of your darkness with love love and only love.
With love Tess @ Angel Harmony 22/05/18