Into the woods Poem

The warrior; on guard, entered the woods; with her sword drawn raised to continue the fight. Confusion she found in the silenced trees: where no birds did sing, nor whispering breeze, held her in angst in the dappled light.

Where are the demons that lurk behind; the shadows she’s waiting prepared to slay. Uneasy in the stifled muted air, expecting incursion in her sweeping stare, stepping in rigid suspense on her way.

In the darkness the fear stirs and swells: increasing disturbance in silent discord. What stones has she left forgotten, un-turned? What arrows await to crash and burn? Her waning guard she can not afford.

Turning in tension at the break in the hush: the stillness broken by a beat of wings. The warrior approaches with intrepid stealth; what danger has fear finally dealt? The gift of peace the butterfly brings.

Utterly spent, the warrior kneels: in awe of the delicate beauty before. Sh bows her head and closes her eyes; no longer afraid of her demise, and stands on the threshold of her hearts door.

There in the woods, the shadows melt, the dappled light reveals a warmth. She places her sword upon the moss; takes down her shield from upon the cross; for here she is sheltered from the storm.

Listen with love to your heart and soul; in sync with your life’s force and beat. Here within serenity’s flow; you may, breathe, restore and grow. For here in the woods the warrior’s found peace.

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I wrote this musing this morning as a means of processing how I have been feeling of late. The proverbial internal woods of the heart and mind, have traditionally represented a place where i have felt lost, confused, depressed, fighting shadows and demons on my own heart and mind. Therefore when the feeling rises within me that once again I find myself entering the woods upon my life’s path; it’s easy for me to go to programmed responses of fear and anxiety, isolation and potential depression. And yet this time it has been different for me. I have entered the so called woods within my heart to be met with a silence and a stillness that is unfamiliar to me. Therefore that sense of unease has in itself brought its own set of fears and anxieties with it. These last 4-months I have been fighting hard to scramble some semblance of foundation on which I may lay under both my own and my children’s feet in the wake of life changing experiences. I have fought to keep the home and means in order to live and grow from. I have fought inner turmoil and demons at every step along my way as well as those who have attacked from others who desire to see me flail and fail. I am now reaching a point at present where everything seems to have slowed down allowing for a steady flow. And yet I have been fearful; afraid and anxious that I am missing something, that i should be continuing to fight and be ever on guard in fear of letting my guard down should others attack hidden lying in wait behind corners and within shadows. I am tired and in need of rest and restoration trying to make sense of why I have been projected into the woods within. My own spiritual journey of guidance in the form of Archangel Michael, has had me questioning extensively what it is I am to be learning experiencing right now, as Michael reminds me that even a warrior must rest and restore. That in fact when i change the way i am looking and feeling about this; the way i shall look and feel about this will change. And here’s the change in perspective. Perhaps  I have not been abandoned and isolated at all, but being given space to reconnect with my inner self. Maybe there are not demons and dangers lurking in the shadows, but beauty and peace to be found and listened to with the dappled light of the peacefulness of the silence. Perhaps if I allow my self to stop, meditate, relax and breathe, I will in fact hear the beating of the butterflies wings, the whispering of the leaves in the trees, and the serene song of the birds. That in this moment, I am to feel the soft moss under my bare feet and the warmth of the light breaking through the canopy. Perhaps here I shall soothe my soul and ease my anxieties allowing my heart to restore with peace and calm. When you have been travelling at high pace through uncertain times, emotional challenges and mental stress: you NEED to time to cleanse, clear, slow down and heal. You can not travel at fast pace for so long before you become tired and weary, overwhelmed and out of breath. And this is how I have arrived into the darkness of the woods, not to continue fighting, but to allow my sight and senses to©© restore the beauty and peace as within my heart and mind. The serenity of the woods is a place where you may reconnect with yourself and root yourself within grace and strength in order to grow through the canopies of your mind and grow your inner light with love ❤

When I think and write about this from this perspective, I find myself no longer afraid of the woods, my anxieties easing and my mind slowing down during this perfectly gifted divine time of summer during this spiritual growth master 11 year for it is in our silence that we may hear the greatest wisdom and see the universe within us connecting us all as within as without to infinity and beyond through our hearts with love ❤

Copyright © Tess Angel Harmony 10:7:2018serenity-quote

 

 

 

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Disillusioned???!?

When life altering changes occur: life changes in every possible way; imagined, un-imagined, seen, unseen, expected and unexpected. But its is going to. Life evolves and you have to evolve with it. When the towers crumble and bubbles burst, the lid is ripped off everything you once knew and were accustomed to in order to place you upon your new course in life. In that moment when that tower falls, you scramble to rescue what you can as you are projected into the unknown; forced to step running through that doorway of change that you had feared for so long without hesitation nor thought as to what is actually happening. The walls cave down and the fires blaze as the pyroclastic flow sweeps you through a shock and awe campaign of death and destruction of the old ways. This has been for your highest good even though you will not feel nor think that way about it. You hold on to what you can; all that you are meant to for all the old, unhealthy, toxic ways to be transmuted in the fires of transformation. You do your best to hold on to faith, trust and hope that all is as it is meant to be as step by step truth is revealed through layer upon layer that is stripped away to bring you to your core. Through each layer you claw your way through the wreckage to use what you can to forge and piece together a foundation from which you may rebuild yourself into a new world. There are many moments where you have no time to think to just do what you know you must in order to keep in tune and flow with the fast paced changes that occur in order to survive the fallout. Eventually the walls stop crumbling and the grounds stops shaking. The dust begins to gently settle around you for your new reality to clear around you as you sit upon your new foundation and begin to take in the view. You look around you to survey ground zero within the ruins of the old. The reality of what has happened begins to take shape and come into focus. You have been so consumed with survival, determined to stay alive and protect those who travel with you, that you realise that you have not, until now, thought about the gravity of the situation. As silence begins to descend and the dust finally settles; you find yourself now having the opportunity to reflect. Now reality hits. It hits your heart as you begin to feel the pain of your reality, the injuries you have sustained, the burdens you have carried and the weight of the grief that has weighed heavy upon you. It hits your mind as you begin to think about all that has happened, flashing back through the trauma to attempt to make some semblance of sense of the situation. It hits your physical body as you realise that you have been running on automatic pilot to get through, exhausted from the transition that has literally changed everything.

Your world is silent. You feel alone. You are isolated from the day to day happenings around you as your world halted to allow for the waves of change. Others are living their lives and you are left sitting within the ruins of yours as doubt, fear and detachment begin to emerge. You feel vulnerable as others have been blind to your experience unable to understand how and why you are there. Others may use that moment to judge you, attack you, sneer and rebuke you as cry out for help when the only person who can help you is you. No stone has been left unturned for you are left with the bare essentials of your life, heart and soul to fend from. Friends who you thought were friends are friends no more. Activities you were active in are active no more. Realities that were real to you are real no more. Truths that were truth for you are truths no more. For: now the veils have been lifted, the plasters have been torn off, to be able to see into the under belly of the beast is not all fluffy and light, but indeed; dark, insidious and deep.

A voice creeps up through your heart that you have not heard before. It is one that speaks of real truth and reality for the deception has been strong but deceived you are no more. Why? you ask, have you not seen this before nor heard its voice before? Why? you ask have you lived and loved for so long for it to be all in vain? Sorrow you feel for all that you have lost. Sadness you feel for all that has been taken from you. And yet in vain it has not been. Unheard it has not been. In your heart of hearts; you knew the truth all along but you chose not to hear it, see it or feel it. You were afraid to venture through the looking glass because you did not want to see what lay beyond and beneath. Afraid of its destructive power held you in fantasy and illusion for so long that the only way the truth could reveal itself was to destroy all that you knew so that the only thing you had to face was the truth. You were so afraid for so long that you turned truth into a demon and shunned it into the dungeon of the heart to lay silenced in the shadows until it came like a beast roaring out of the darkest night to shatter your towers, topple your turrets and stand before you a gentle flower in the dusk of dust. For with truth comes the disillusionment of the illusion. You may be disillusioned right now through the destruction and your fears: but never were you so disillusioned than when you held yourself unconscious to your truth and reality.

Its easy to feel abandoned, alone, sad and angry. Its easy to allow grief to consume you and bemoan your changes. Its easy to want to run back through that door you were catapulted through, to beg and plead to go back to the way you were before your world came crashing down. Its easy to feel pitiful and sorrowful as you sit upon the threshold resentful of the change and the damage it has done. Its even easier to resist your changes and remain woeful within the ruins grieving the loss of the old broken and spilled cups instead of looking at how to refill and renew your cups. Its easy to take the swords of truth and plunge them deep into your heart with vengeance and anger. Its easy to take those wands and turn them against others with bitterness and strife. Its easy to take those shields and hide away from the world caught within the confines of your grief. Its easy to blame the destruction and demonise the truth so that you may fall back to sleep, wither and die.

It takes courage to stand back up and brush yourself down. It takes strength to forgive so that you may refresh. It takes grace to be grateful of what little you have and start anew. It takes gratitude for your pain to know your blessings. It takes trust to believe that all this is for your highest good. You may not feel trusting, or courageous, brave, strong nor true. You may look upon that under belly and shy away in fear and disgust; resentful of your changes; at having not wanted to enter here.

But enter here you did and had to.

The destruction had to occur to shaken you to awaken you. For: your eyes that were held wide shut to be flung wide open as windows on a summers day for the light to flood in and illuminate your shadows. For: fires to blaze through what was denied, for wisdom to emerge as the rising phoenix from the ashes of the lies. For: magic to weave its shimmering power through every nook and cranny to knit together a blanket of love from all that was lost and forgotten within your soul. For: you to take that gentle flower from the hands of truth and bury it in the garden of your soul to be nurtured with light to be able to grow with love, honour and integrity. It is not an ending for you: it is a beginning. A beginning where you may stand upon your newly forged foundation to rise up unbound by the lies to grow freely with reality. Now you may be within your ruins and dream of all that you may wish to create in all the ways that you wish to manifest your dreams. Now; where falsities lay, lie the seeds of truth from which purpose may grow. Where clouds once held a shadowed mind, new pastures are clear in which inspiration may fertilise the blossoms of what YOU want to build.

So what do you want to build? The universe is listening and waiting for YOU. This is your chance now to live as YOU want to live. You may feel disillusioned but now you are awake. You may not like what you see but; what you see is truth and up to you a mould and create as you heart desires. The foundations may be bare but they are YOURS and you have been gifted an opportunity, a blank canvas, a vote of confidence from the universe for you to take a vote of confidence in your SELF and take the shattered ruins of illusions past and turn them into what is meant for YOU with love.

When life changes happen: life changes; and it is now up to YOU to grow from your ashes for: life has not abandoned you: it has awoken you.

With love Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxx

meadow

Standing in your power

Standing in your power is to stand strong and confident in your strength, courage, truth, grace and worth. This is by no means an easy task when life has taught you and programmed you through others, that you have no power. Others, usually loved ones closest to you or significant role models in your life who you look up, may not have always been the loving caring inspiring nurturing guides and teachers that you had hoped them to be. In many cases they may have been the complete opposite teaching through fear, verbal, mental, emotional and/ or physically abuse. When you are born into this world you look to those maternal and paternal persons with unconditional love vulnerable, tender, and small with a subconscious knowing in your heart that yearns and seeks that unconditional love in return to help nurture and grow you from birth. However life can teach that in this world, that love is in fact based on a set of terms and conditions that can only be submitted by those whose care you are in founded by their own programming and learned behaviour throughout their ow life. Their own thoughts, emotions, actions, experiences in life are their tools that they have to be able to love and nurture you or not. Their own levels of self worth, confidence, emotional maturity, respect and beliefs are what are projected onto you as a child which is what you come to learn and live by.

For many years I could not understand why I have an innate fear and deep emotional reactionary response to the feeling of being ignored and not listened to: a deep and profound sense of feeling like I could be screaming in a room and still no one would hear me. This feeling would create in me a strong sense of fear, anxiety and anger stemming from a deep rooted pain that was to take many a year to identify. It is only in the last 3 years during a conversation of frustration, hurt and upset with my father where I feeling in despair of this emotion, that he was to impart an explanation that was to shed light through parting clouds and clearing skies of wisdom that would help heal a deep wound.

The story of my birth was to be an emotional one as it was recounted to me. My Mother had been adopted at 6-months of age in 1950’s England. She had deep seated emotional pain of abandonment when she was to learn of this at 17 years of age which bore a sincere lack of self worth being worthless, discarded and unwanted. This was to create a deep and powerful rage of anger and venom within her as her pain went buried and ignored throughout her life. Those closest to her would be a target of her anger resulting in her keeping many people at a distance as she attempted to maintain an outer persona of a kind caring helpful and intelligent woman. She was all of these, but behind closed doors she was also her pain and anger. Not long after she married my father, she began to discover her jeans not fitting well. She ignored this putting it down to over eating perhaps or not enough exercise. A few months passed and the swelling did not go away. She went to a doctor who put the fear of God into her by misdiagnosing a tumour growth. After a few weeks of anxiety and disbelief, she went for a second opinion with another doctor who promptly and correctly diagnosed her a being 6-months pregnant. This put her in a tail spin which is another story but; after my birth this projected her down a deep and dark path of post natal depression. It actually took her till I was at least 6-months old before she could hold me and care for me. I was informed that my father would leave for work 6:30am and return home 8pm with my having been left in the same place in the cot, unfed and unchanged.

Now I understand why I have a deep rooted fear of not being heard stemming from childhood memory of that time. In order to stand in your power, its important to be able to identify your fears and their roots so that now you may affirm and take care of your own needs lovingly supporting yourself with love and strength.

When you are working on your fears, your doubts, worries, sorrows, angers, you transmute their negative power that is held over you pushing you down and holding you back in your shadows. Other people whether they are loved ones, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, are also unable to hold any negative, vitriolic, abusive, fearful power over you either because you are aware and at one with your shadows. The vast caverns of your deep subconscious become illuminated ray by ray by your light of compassion towards your sorrows, your love towards your fears, your forgiveness towards your pains thereby building and forging stronger roots of strength, peace, courage, confidence, esteem and worth within your self that allow you to stand in your power with grace, wisdom and peace. No more will you need to feel like a proverbial rabbit caught in headlights or a cornered tiger in need of lashing out defensively and aggressively when you are able to smile at your shadows and have no fear of your darkness with love love and only love.

With love Tess @ Angel Harmony 22/05/18

morrigan

Leap of faith

How many times have you stepped up to the threshold of a doorway into the new and then backed off? How many times have you hesitated and frozen in fear from stepping onto the doorstep and then ran back into the corridor of change?

Taking a leap of faith is to step up and step out without knowing what direction your path is going to take you. Its taking that step feeling every fear that you are going to fall into the abyss with faith that you might just fly.  Life experiences can often bring you to that same doorway time and again until: one day you are finally ready to step through that doorway because; to step through is now your only choice that is left available to you.  However more often that not you may have found yourself hovering inside the corridor of change, fearful in the shadows, afraid of facing what lies beyond. I have experienced this quite profoundly on my own life path, where life has propelled me into that corridor by closing one door behind me whilst I have been afraid to open the next one in front of me. It is said and is my belief, that we have chosen this path for a reason for the soul and life lessons that are involved in the challenges, joys, experiences and encounters. You have chosen your families, your parents, your location, time and even date that you are born into this world for all that you can, will and potentially learn upon your path in life. There will be no memory of this and only may become clear as you learn, grow and evolve; dying and rebirthing many times throughout your lifetime.  Yet ‘knowing’ and ‘doing’ are two entirely different ways for walking your walk takes ACTION: takes you to feel all of your fear and take that leap of faith through that door of change without knowing what lies ahead of you. But that is a key issue in life. Many prefer to know what lies ahead, to know see and feel the stepping stones solid in the ground knowing that you will be safe and successful no matter what. Many prefer to know exactly what size and colour those stepping stones are even before even being any way prepared to step onto them. Anxiety will be a major companion to many a soul who are afraid of the future keeping them held fast in the fear of the unknown. You cant go backwards for that door has closed. Banging on it, yelling at it, sitting on its step waiting for it to reopen back to the past are a waste of actions for they are fruitless and exhausting often resulting in depression holding you in darkness and sorrow. You’ll find yourself looking at the new doorway filled with fear and hesitation holding your life in a suspended animation as you drift through day to day until one you will be shaken to awaken as that door ahead of you bursts open and beckons to you to make that leap as life demands your attention and presence to show up and grow up. Maturity of emotion and action is to be take your fear and USE it to dig deep, breathe big with trust and faith in yourself to know that no matter what: with mindfulness and courage your path WILL appear as you have step forward fearlessly and diligently. You may continue to wait for your path to appear before you step out on it because life, soul and heart require your light to enlighten your way. YOU are your lamplight in your darkness. YOU are your key to unlock your doorway ahead and have faith that you are as loved and supported as you will ever need to be in order to succeed.

I encountered a profound ‘Do or Die’ moment where i was literally shaken to awaken in order to make the leap of faith that I have been called to make for many years but have hesitated time and again through fear, control and abuse. Meeting, living and marrying a narcissistic addict, my own life path has been filled with fear, anger, conflict, anxiety and depression. 5 years ago a profound door closed fast upon my marriage and yet i remained within it through an fantasy of hope and an illusion of reality that held me fast in fear’s grip. I have quite literally drifted down life’s emotional river numb and depressed after a conflict last summer that was to seal our fate. And yet i still could not answer the universes call to get out through that doorway of change that was as big and as scary as it has been profound and universally aligned with my purpose and power. Following the guiding light of grandmother goddess moon, godfather sun and the guidance of the angelic and spiritual realms has and continues to prove to me that NOW is my right time. I KNOW how long, hard, and slow it can be to remain frozen in the shadows until a ray of light blasts you back into reality. My ray of light was in fact that day my husband returned home drunk, aggressive and abuse literally shaking and shouting at me. I did hesitate then. I called out for help and help arrived in uniform. I had asked for a sign and a sign was given in the form of a snake. There is much more to this story but as i reflect upon that moment: i feel that even though i was being shaken, life was awakening me and i received the wake up call i needed in order to get up and run through that doorway into new pastures, new challenges, new pathways and new light.

I know what courage, strength and fear resides in taking a leap of faith that can potentially change your life so profoundly in so many ways that when the smaller littler leaps show up on your pathway: there will be fear replaced with joy, doubt replaced with trust, anxiety replaced with relief, suffocation replaced with breathing and chaos replaced with peace. Your heart’s rose has sacred space to let its shite go to let its light grow. This is the master *11* year of spiritual growth where many are being called by heart, by soul, by life to get up, stand up, speak up and light up.

So: lets not wait for the path to appear before you step out: STEP OUT and your path will appear. To take all of your fear, all of your pain, all of your anger and rise up from your depths with a roar of courage transforming your life and not even worry about falling because now your are FLYING with love love and only love.

With love Tess @ Angel Harmony leapoffaith

Courage to Change: Poem

Courage to Change 

Gifts from the holy spirit are wondrous simple and pure;
Love alive in the hearts of man shining radiant for evermore.
Miracles abound eternal: faithful love unlocks the door;
of wounded hurt and broken hearts, gracious love holding space to alter.
Like a butterfly gloriously emerging: love transforms the heart;
Put down the sword: stop fighting, free your self and be a part.
For: life IS worth living; no matter whom you are;
have strength and courage my dear friend, to be the change your heart desires.
Take one courageous step each day: to turn your life around;
no one ever said it would be easy; trust and believe in love abounds.
Some day soon you will reflect: on the path that you have trod;
and thank the heavens up above, for the strength to walk with God.
For: loving spirit in conscious; God exists in many forms,
countless roads and path do lead, to the same love within us all.
So hold your head up high my dear: walk with honour and strength in your self;
and live your life as free as can be, in the light of unconditional love 

copyright Tess@AngelHarmony2018

This poem hangs in my living room and in light of many of you struggling and facing challenges right now this is a divinely timed message that i find myself strongly drawn to today  I read this many times for it gifts me a simple message of encouragement when facing my own challenges and breaking through my own barriers of fear and constraints. There are many times when facing your fears that you baulk and want to run for the proverbial hills to hide in the hopes that your challenges will simply disappear. You feel that you want to turn right around and head straight back into the comfort zones of the past which, although you know that they bind and constrict, they are safe for those binds are familiar whereas to break through your barriers means you will have to course uncharted territory which scares you more than you know because you can not see nor trust your path ahead. Untold demons may lurk around each new corner: but what if unmeasured joy and light radiates around them instead. How are you going to know if you don’t go and find out. Do you really want to spend your life wondering whats around the bend in the road or resenting your self for not having had the courage to go and see for your own self.  I don’t know about you but I feel that there is nothing worse than going around and around time and again in your mind over and over : ‘what if’???? 

What if I fail??? you repeat over and again in your mind.

But what if you FLY resounds your heart!

Love your self with as much unconditional love as you can muster to find the strength and courage to change your thoughts from fear to trust and belief in your SELF.

With love Tessxxx

courage to change

A friend in grief…

Grief stands upon the threshold of all hearts and minds. We don’t invite it but through tragedy, pain, loss and heart ache, it stalks our thoughts, dreams and feelings, creeping in like a silent shadow or blowing in upon cold winds and storm waters. We all experience grief. Grief is a valid emotion and for many of us, how we manage it is down to our programming: what we are taught, told, shown as to how to handle and live with grief. For many; when grief shows up at our door, we shun it, cast it out with anger and sorrow for we know that with grief brings more pain, more heartache and more sorrow than we desire. So we deny it: illusion our selves that it does not exist. We ignore it turning our hearts and minds away from it imploring tentacles that threaten to strangle. choke and squeeze should we let grief enter. We fear its monstrous shadows fearing our own demise for many a victim have fallen prey to grief so we believe that it will break us, damage us and tear us apart: so we close the door in its face and hide behind chains and locks of the heart is order to protect ourselves from it. Yet it bangs on the door and demands our attention. We try to block it out, yell and scream at grief to go away and not return. We try to silence its noise numbing our senses to its mere existence demonizing and catastrophizing griefs’ intentions. We magnify our fears and in so doing we magnify the shadows we hold grief within. We become so anxious that grief will break our hearts diminishing our status quo that we turn to burying grief in the graveyard of our hearts in the hopes and belief that in burying it we banish grief to a lifetime of silent suspension and isolation unable to return and wreak its vengeance upon us. And yet by banishing grief: we anger at having denied a vital, important special part of our soul. One that holds vast potential to teach us important lessons of life, love and light.

I have walked with grief for many years. I’ve blocked it out, numbed its existence, denied its right to live and banished it to dungeons of the soul. There: grief; like a broken soul within itself, lay broken upon the cold damp dark floors at the bottom of my heart held captive by the veils of illusion that I kept guarded, stoic and staunch between us. I held grief at; arms-length and pushed my friend away. For I did not see grief as my friend. I saw grief as my foe. One, whose intention was to slay me in my heart, spill my blood and slit my throat so that I may not feel nor speak my pain. When my Nan died, grief came to visit me when I was only 7-years old. I did not who this was who knocked on door of my heart so I turned that stranger away. Grief knocked once more when my grandmother passed away and I banished it to the shadows from whence I believed it came at 12. I drowned grief in the silence of my emotional watery depths burying it within a coffin at the bottom of my heart’s sea, when my Naval officer grandfather passed away at 14. Grief blasted into my bedroom to awaken my heart at 15 when my mother attacked me once more as I screamed and shouted at grief to get out and go away. I stood my ground and looked grief in the face and told grief to never lay a finger upon me ever again at 15. Yet i had swallowed it venom and it made me sick. So sick that the demons of bulimia purged and purged till they could purge no more upon a surgeons table who cut it out with a scalpel at 19. But cut grief out he did not. But purge the poison I did not. But banish the shadows I had not. But silence the knocking on my hearts door I had not. But numb the fear, pain, anxiety of its mere presence through alcohol I had not. Frozen in the realisation that grief was still right there with me unharmed but bigger, darker, deeper frightened me. There grief stood still smiling, still reaching out its hand to me and beckoning to me. Yet all I saw was a smirk, a malice, a snake that hissed and slithered towards me. Knowing that no matter what I threw at it: grief only absorbed my futile attempts and rose back up larger and more determined to get inside my heart, mind, body and soul. I despaired. I angered. I cried out in vain and I ran…..

I had failed to banish a demon and so I ran and I ran…. I ran when my mother lay crippled with cancer. I ran as far away from my emotions as I could get. I swam in beautiful coral shallows blissfully distanced from pain. I sat under African starry nights blissfully ignorant of the shadows the graves of my heart cast. I stood beside the largest Buddha I could find and ignored his loving pleading chants to feel. For: I banished my heart, my emotions: closed my hearts doors and drifted through my own steps chasing outside rainbows and outstretched masked hands. I followed those who promised any escape to flee the hunt that grief had marked upon my heart.

Little did I know that in the flight, grief lead me right into my heart; captured me through an illusion of life, love and peace and held me trapped until finally one day grief would kick down the doors of my heart not to kill me but to heal me. Grief guided me, drove me blindly deep into the heart chakra of the mother goddess held prisoner by an appointed gate keeper in the guise of a husband and a father battling his own demos. There i remained captive year after year. I begged, pleaded, angered and beat upon that door with such anger and vengeance but that door remained locked and chained. I spat venom at the door. Cried at the door. Screamed and bemoaned at being held hostage. Till one day i gave up. I lay upon the cold dark floor of my heart and surrendered. There love wiped my tears. There forgiveness soothed my soul. There light opened my eyes and i sat with an angel day after day, year after year within that room until one day when the desire to no longer be held captive by grief unlocked the door with love, allowed the gate keeper to stand down and allowed my self to walk scared and frightened into dawns new day. For grief is a shadowhunter and a master alchemist of the heart. Griefs purpose is not to suck you dry but fill you up: to help you turn your pain into passion; despair into compassion, anger into love, for it is not grief that threatens your demise: but your own denial and lies that will do that you. Grief had not captured me. I trapped myself. Grief did not place the chains on the door to hold me in: I placed them on to keep grief out. I imprisoned myself and only I can set me free: to uncage my heart and my mind and break free the constraint’s of fear, anxiety, suppression and depression.

YOU hold your key to your power and your truth. To be true to yourself by honouring your emotions by being able to answer the knock upon your hearts door and invite grief in to sit with you for a while. To talk with you. To tell you of truths, of stars, of rainbows, of gems that lie within your heart if you have to courage to go within and claim your treasures hand in hand with grief: no longer fighting grief but befriending grief and listening to and learning its wisdom of the universe. That through grief you you learn that you are a child of unconditional love and that that buried treasure of love can be claimed and restored to ignite a light within your darkness and grow fragrant roses within your heart.

Grief is a soul sister, soul teacher, heart lover and compassionate friend who desires to only take you by the hand and walk with you through the landscape of your soul to transform your shadows in to light and breathe in the light of love with each breath of passion, power, peace and purpose. Gried only desires to soothe you, hold you in loving comfort and warm embrace to strengthen and empower you with love love and only love. So when grief knocks upon your door: open it up and embrace the dark: grief may now be safe to cry, to feel, to heal and enlighten your path.

With love Tess

 grief

4:4 Lighting your Hearts Fire

On this *4:4* day both the Sun and the Moon are in fire astrological signs: Sun in Aries and Moon in Sagittarius. We are all being sent a message that the universal, numerology sign of 4:4 that the spiritual realms, great spirit, gods and goddesses ARE lovingly supporting you right here, right now upon your path in life: so what ever it is that you have in your heart that you desire to bring or break through you have got this and you are NOT alone  

Life however can make us feel alone at times. Emotions around experiences and situations can make you feel isolated and lonely IF you allow them to. Your thoughts can lead you to feeling useless, unworthy and undeserving of health and happiness- IF you allow them to. Repeated negative programming by others over the years can lead to detrimental affects upon your inner narrative and mental health and the inner battle between believing and positively changing those narratives can be as draining as it is challenging at times. Its during these times that you can feel disconnected and alone 

Fear is a very clever and manipulative power. In order to attempt to control the masses; it first seeks to: divide and conquer. And it all starts with that small little voice that whispers in your ear all those poisonous words of doubt, unworthiness and criticism that work to knock down your confidence, self esteem and worth brick by brick. Given enough time and power: it works. The assault campaign upon your heart and mind begins to win as you allow to think and feel yourself unworthy and undeserving. Sure: all those people who ever told you that you are ‘useless’, ‘stupid’, ‘fat’, ‘bitch’, ‘liar’, ‘thick’, ‘not good enough’, must have been right after all: right?

  *****  WRONG  ***** 

Every stone that has been used to knock you CAN be used to build you. Every word of vitriolic toxic waste CAN be used to strengthen you. You are NOT what ‘they’ think you are. You ARE what YOU think you are. Your thoughts influence your feelings, which influence your actions and further influence your outcomes. Yes; changing those narratives IS challenging but not impossible. 

You CAN change ‘impossible’ to: I’M POSSIBLE: I know because I AM doing this: activating these changes step by step, thought by thought, feeling by feeling. NO its not easy at all and takes time as change does not happen over night: it happens over time: one foot in front of the other: one breath after another transforming those negative narratives into positive stepping stones. Some days are harder than others and those are the days that fear has to fight harder because your love is stronger and brighter than fear: you just need to BELIEVE love to FEEL love because you ARE love 

Take a good look around you and KNOW TRUST and FEEL in your love for your SELF  Your pillars of loving support ARE within you: Love, strength, passion and wisdom. All your elements are guarding and guiding you: the air of wisdom, fire of passion, earthly unconditional love and the waters of courage. The golden healer of the dragon heart is encouraging you to travel into your heart center to feel and believe in your self with honor and love 

Place your hand over your heart: breathe and deep- do you feel that?? The beating of your heart in your hands?? YOU hold your power and YOU are your key. Close your eyes and feel the pulse of your passion, love and spirit beating to your drumbeats of life  You are not alone: you are never alone: through the beating of your heart you are connected to all of the magic of life and all of those soul sisters and brothers who believe in you too 

Time to ignite your hearts fire with love love and only love 

With Love  copyright Tess@AngelHarmony 4:4:2018  #suninaries#mooninsagittarius #heartfire #goldenhealer #yourenotalone#breatheandbelieve #believeinyouwithlove 

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